Saying "NO" in November...

So without a doubt one of my greatest struggles is simply that of self-discipline. I guess that isn't so unusual, I suspect most people would have to admit the same thing if they were being honest.

I am not particularly talking about the 'big' things, although they can have their moments, but I regularly make bad choices when it comes to the 'little things'. I am more likely to drive to work than walk, more likely to have seconds of food I enjoy even if I'm pretty full and if I am considering whether to buy chips or not there is a good chance NOT is going to lose. Most of these things are not really the end of the world on their own but they do represent a pattern in parts of my life of giving in to things more than is good for me.

While spending a day recently doing a lot of driving (which always gives me a lot of time to think) I decided to deliberately spend one month focusing on making the better decisions more often & November seemed like a great time to do it (after all it will be over before Christmas this way!). So was born the idea of sayNOvember - a month of trying to say "NO" more often to the the things I usually say yes to. It's corny, I know, but then most good gimmicks are!

I didn't initially plan for it to be more than just a personal challenge, but having shared it with a few people (my wife & our home group) it turns out that some others like the idea & want to join in so I agreed to blog about it so they could comment on what they want to achieve. At least having some others involved & putting it in writing will make it less easy to just pike out.

Ideas like this can so often end up being very religious and guilt driven; that is not something I have any interest in. For me it is simply a chance to try to get into the habit of making better choices more often. Feel free to join in if you want but make your own decisions on what you would like to challenge yourself to. If you choose to make them public don't let it be a guilt thing if you don't get it perfect, a bit of transparency & honesty just might make us all feel human & real (God forbid!).

My challenges...
In addition to a general commitment to making some better choices more often I have also decided to give a couple of things up completely for the month of NOvember...

• Chips (particularly potato crisps) are a bit of a weakness of mine so I am going to give them a miss for the month & although I might have some hot chips in moderation if they are served to me as part of a normal meal I will be keeping them to a minimum as well.
• BEER! Drinking too much at any one time is not something I have a problem with but I do enjoy a few beers on a regular basis & am especially fond of beeroclock (Fri avo's when work finishes!). Being something that can really control people I have also decided to pretty much give drinking alcohol a miss for the month as well.

Twitter
A few of us are into Twitter so will be tweeting on & off about our successes (and failures) throughout NOvember using the hashtag #saynovember - if you decide to join in then feel free to also join the conversation.

Farewell to my Granny...

The last ten days have been the most difficult I can remember for a very long time, culminating I guess with my Grandma's funeral in Caloundra yesterday. I hope you will see a resurgence in my blogging in the next few weeks as I have a lot on my mind but for now here is the tribute I shared on behalf of all the grandkids at the funeral:

This morning we were trying to help the great grandkids work out what they wanted to say about Grandma today but they were finding it hard. So we asked them some questions to hopefully help: What did they remember about her? What did they love about her? Later when I sat down to write this I was also struggling so I asked myself the same questions & found I still had a problem.

All I could think of were words like “loving”, “caring”, “compassionate”…”nice”! Lovely words I guess, but it all seemed so trite – like the list of clichéd words I might use if I was trying to speak nicely of someone I didn’t really think that much of.

Surely that wasn’t how I felt about my Grandma? Surely I could find some cute stories, or deep insights to really demonstrate that she was genuinely special to me – how would my cousins feel if this was the best I could come up with on their behalf?

Just one year ago my sister Deb & I still had all four of our grandparents – quite an achievement at 35 & 33 years of age – but on Saturday evening just gone Mum rang to tell me that the doctors expected Grandma only had maybe 2 hours. I got in the car in Toowoomba straight away but about 90 minutes later, when I was only half way to the Coast, she was gone. Today, Deb & I have no living grandparents & in less than 12 months I have attended all four of their funerals.

One thing I have discovered is that at funerals everybody is remembered differently – different words of affection, different ways that their lives impacted others, different achievements…and different things that might be avoided because everyone wants to remember the best now that they were gone. But spending time with family this week in preparation for the funeral I have noticed that there has been nothing to avoid – it seems that all the memories that everyone has of Grandma are good, they are ALL special.

I realise now that the words that came to mind about my Grandma are not trite, they are just simple, because she was simple – uncomplicated in how she chose to live. She lived focused on what mattered to her, and that was all of us, the people that God put in her life.

My Grandma loved people with everything she had & everything she was. She was often in the background, she was quiet & unassuming. She was little in stature but she was not little in love – she loved extravagantly at every opportunity, she loved people the way she knew her God loved her. She was “loving”. She was “caring”. She was “compassionate”. The simple truth is: she really WAS “nice”!

I loved her, as I know all of her grandkids did, as everyone here did – she was simply beautiful, soft & cuddly, unconditionally loving. She was the perfect Grandma &, while I know she is happier now that she is with Grandpa & her Jesus forever, for those of us now separated from her for a time she will be terribly missed.

Remind me why we do this again!

I doubt there is anyone who does the Christian event/production/volunteer/crew thing in one way or another that doesn't at some point find themselves trying to remember WHY they do it. It might be 5am on a Sunday morning or standing in the pouring rain ankle deep in mud but we've all been there.

There are a lot of things that inspire me to do what I do. It is a lot of fun most of the time, there is a great sense of cameraderie with the amazing people I get to work with, sometimes there is even a bit of glamour to it all but there are other times when it is almost too hard and none of those things are enough.

At a recent meeting for Carols in the City (one of the many events I am involved in) the following verse was shared with us by Wendy Francis & it really hit me for the first time...

1 Thesalonians 1:3 "We continually remember before our God and Father your WORK produced by FAITH, your LABOR prompted by LOVE, and your ENDURANCE inspired by HOPE in our Lord Jesus Christ." (emphasis mine)

I was reminded that I didn't start this journey for recognition - my labour was prompted by LOVE.

I don't stack chairs, roll cables or stand in the rain for money, fun or even primarily for friendship - my work is produced by FAITH.

AND - when I am sore, tired and feeling unappreciated I keep going because of an endurance that is inspired by HOPE.

1 Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: FAITH, HOPE and LOVE. But the greatest of these is love." (emphasis mine)

Thoughts for artists #2

This is a great quote from Spurgeon on the sacred v's the secular that I read recently on James Macpherson's awesome blog (http://jamesmacpherson.blogspot.com/)...

"THE SEPERATION at what is called, “religious,” from the, “secular,” is one of the greatest possible mistakes. There is no such thing as a religion of Sundays, and of chapels and churches.

"At least though there is such a thing, it is not worth having. The religion of Christ is a religion for seven days in the week—a religion for every place and for every act!

"And it teaches men, whether they eat, or drink, or whatever they do, to do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and to the glory of God! I pray that you may be kept from falling away from that religion, and that you may be kept up to the mark in serving the Lord in all things and attending diligently to the little commonplace matters of daily life."

So how then is it possible to be an artist & consider yourself to be a Christian but not to consider yourself a "Christian artist"? To me that is like not wanting to be considered a "Christian human"!

Living deliberately...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." (Thoreau)

Well I doubt life is going to give me the opportunity to live in the woods in 2009 but I do hope that I can learn to live just a little more deliberately this year. Of course, when I say "life" what I really mean is the choices that I make & the priorities I create.

The problem is that I seem to keep two separate priority lists.

There is the 'official' list, kind of the written down list even if it isn't actually written down. This is the list I would rattle off to you if you asked me to 'list' my priorities.

Then of course there is the 'actual' list. This is the list that would be created if someone could watch me non-stop for a month & then wrote down what appeared to be my priorities. Unfortunately, on this list computer games, TV & doing nothing at all rate a lot more highly than they do on the official list and other things like family, God & the poor seem to slip somehow.

But my problem is not primarily that I don't genuinely value things like my family & my God but that, well, I am lazy! No surprise to some of you I am sure (Mum!) but it is true - I would rather sit than stand, lie down than sit, sleep than just lie down!! (Thanks Drew)

This is my greatest challenge - choosing what to do with my time in a way that reflects the things that really matter to me deep down inside. Happening to life instead of letting life happen to me.

So as 2009 kicks off I am not making any resolutions, after all I already know what is important to me, I am simply going to try to live more of the minutes in this year deliberately than any that has gone before!

Thoughts on grace #1

There is a difference between: "There is nothing I CAN do" & "There is nothing I NEED TO do". The first is a statement of helplessness but the second is a picture of sufficiency. To me that sums up the grace of God because there is nothing I can do to be reconciled with Him but thankfully Jesus has done everything that was needed.

Thoughts for artists #1

If you apply to play at a festival make sure you understand that when hundreds of applications are being processed probably only the first bit of the first track or two (on the CD or Myspace site etc.) is going to be listened to so I recommend...

• Avoid looooooooooooong introductions before you get into the song
• Make sure the first track is your best track
• The first couple of tracks should be really representative of who you are
• The first track should be really catchy
• If you want to demonstrate diversity make sure the 'slower' stuff is at least the 2nd or 3rd song
  

How on Earth did I end up here?

I didn't really plan to write anything about the recent Michael Guglielmucci situation - if you were living under a rock & don't know what I am talking about just Google it as every man & his dog has already blogged about it! I didn't know Mike personally so had no intention on thinking anyone needed to hear my 2 cents worth on it all but it did spark a significant thought process for me which I am keen to put into words.

When the story first broke in the news I was as dumbfounded as everyone else - how could such a huge charade be maintained for such a long time even to a person's closest family & friends? Watching footage of Mike singing 'Healer' at the Hillsong album recording I could imagine him standing in front of those thousands of people & thinking to himself: "How on Earth did I end up here?"

The revelation that Mike had struggled for years with pornography helped me start to make sense of it all. I can imagine the fear of being 'caught out' in this sin as the son of a high profile AOG pastor. Fear of the shame, fear of the embarressment it would cause to his family...fear that may well have led to a pattern of deception to make sure no one found out as it may well have seemed far too hard to be honest about the issue with anyone who might have been able to help.

King David faced a similar situation. He didn't wake up one morning & decide he felt like murdering a man to take his wife. He woke up & innocently walked onto the roof of his home (okay palace!) where he found the view was more than he bargained for. At that point David had a choice - turn away & go downstairs for breakfast, or take just one more peek at the naked girl bathing next door. Read 2 Samuel 11 for the full story!

I don't believe Mike Guglielmucci woke up one day & decided to fake having cancer for 2 years, but sin & deception are insidious bed fellows. I hope I can continually ask myself what 'little' sins I am harbouring in my life that seem harmless but if left unchecked could lead to me one day thinking to myself: "How on Earth did I end up here?"

God is never late...

It has been nearly 2 months since we moved into our new house and all I can say is that God is SO good, and He is so much better at knowing what I need than I am. It is so easy to talk the talk about trusting God & knowing that He has everything under control but the question is: do I really believe it?

We had about two months to look for a new house after finding out that we had to get out of the last place & throughout that process we had to keep on reminding ourselves that our trust was in God. The last time we went through this process God waited until pretty much the last moment on the last day that we had up our sleeves to lead us to the place He had prepared for us but when it finally came we were very happy for the two years we lived there.

I have often joked that "God is never late...but He has missed some awesome opportunities to be early" and this time was no exception as we were only a week or two from having to move and the rental demand was obviously very high. Because of that we ended up applying for a house that met our needs but I hadn't really fallen in love with...and we got it!

I was trying to be thankful but to be honest was a bit disappointed and wrote the following in my journal on July 7: "Thankyou for our new house Lord Jesus. You know that in a way it feels like it has fallen short of the MIRACLE HOUSE I have been believing for...but I say thankyou regardless..."

Exactly 3 weeks later I wrote this: "THANKYOU Jesus for our house...I am sorry for questioning your provision for us - this house is proving to be heaps better for our family than I could have realised..." I have no doubt (now) that God prepared this house for us and that it suits us, our needs & circumstances, far more than our 'wish list' could have guaranteed.

The truth is that while I was wishing that God wouldn't wait until the last minute He knew that had He shown us this house earlier, when I still had time to think I could find something 'better', I almost certainly wouldn't have applied for it at all. It is one thing for us to say we trust God, and maybe intellectually we do, but often our actions & feelings suggest that our hearts are not quite so convinced.

Me & blogging take 2!

I think it was about 18 months ago that I first put my hand to blogging (on Myspace at the time) and managed a grand total of ONE post...impressive hey? Anyway I have decided to try again, I don't know who if anyone would be interested in reading my ramblings (hence the name of the blog!) but more than anything I just like the idea of the process for my own sake.

Maybe I can manage more than one this time...

The star of the show (a flashback)

This was a post I put on Myspace from Feb 07 when I first tried to motivate myself in the world of blogging pretty unsuccessfully. I thought I would consolidate on my new blog now that I am trying again...

Last Sunday night I was worshipping God from the back of a crowd of 15,000 people under the starry skies of the New Zealand countryside. I was hanging at Parachute Festival & the experience included all the trappings (fancy lights, big stage, superscreens!) plus Third Day leading the worship. It was a great time & I really felt like I connected with God.

Last night I was again worshipping God but this time there was about 15 people from the worship team at Toowoomba City Church (which I have just joined) and we were being led by Evan Shelton with an unmiked piano, a dodgy vocal mic & the song words courtesy of an OHP (that's 'over head projector' for those of you too young to remember!).

What really struck me in the middle of our worship last night was that the most magnificent aspect of my worship experience from last Sunday night was also the case last night - we were in the presence of our amazing living creator God. The truth is that all the fancy production & big crowds in the world cannot begin to reflect the nature of the one we worship, sometimes I think they are actually just a distraction.

Doing what I do it can be so easy to get caught up in the trappings but last night I was reminded again that all that really matters is our hearts connecting with Jesus.

Daddy...Daddy...I neeeeeeed you Daddy!

This is what I heard echoing through the halls of our new house while reading my Bible in the sunroom this morning not long before I needed to head off to work. It was Josh, my 3 and a half year old boy, he was looking for his Dad - he NEEDED his Dad - and he was making it clear for the whole world to know.

Somehow there was an unmistakable sense of trust in his voice. Joshy just knew that "with Dad" was a safe place to be. It reminded me yet again that this is exactly how God wishes we would approach our relationship with Him.

A few months ago Ness & I had been away from the kids for a few days and I took Rachel (our 6 year old) with me to band practice before church on a Sunday morning. Rachi sat watching throughout rehearsal and as I was coming off stage she leapt off her chair, ran up to me, threw her arms around my legs & squeezed for all she was worth.

There was no hint whatsoever of any uncertainty as to whether or not she would be received. It was a no holds barred expression of her love & trust with all the passion she could muster. At the time it again struck me that this is how God would love for us to approach Him.

Hebrews 10:19 talks about us walking right up to God without hesitation, right into the holy place that before Jesus cleared the way for us with His sacrifice was inaccessible to us. Jesus told his disciples: "Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." (Mark 10:15, The Message)

Last night I had just finished disciplining Teagie (our oldest at 8 years old) for something when she sat right back down next to me on the couch & snuggled in close for a cuddle. It struck me again how different that is to how I sometimes approach God when I have fallen short of what I know is his best for me.

So often I feel like I need to self-impose a period of separation, usually in line with how bad I rate my failure. Meanwhile God is just wishing that I would make it right with Him & press in close again, safe in the knowledge that His love for me is complete. I need to learn to be less intellectual & 'adult' about how I approach God when He is feeling distant & I don't know where he is. To simply stand still & cry out...

"Daddy...Daddy...I NEED you Daddy!"